PAPPY'S POLITICS
The old sergeant had been summoned to the Commanding Generals office, which always meant that he was going to have trouble of some kind. The General had a knack for putting Pappy into “difficult” situations.
This time, however, Pappy found the General in his study and he looked in a very melancholy mood.
“Hello old friend,” the General said. “Have a seat. Still drink Jack?”
Pappy smiled. “Of course General.”
“Well I would imagine your wondering why I asked for you to come down today. It’s simple really. I need to talk with someone that has a little sense. And to get drunk. And guess what? You're it.”
“General if it’s drinking and talking I’m your man!” Pappy said as he pulled up a big leather bound chair.
“Yes well. Pappy I’m worried. I’m worried about this mans army. Our country, immigration, taxes the whole nine yards. I’ve been sitting here night after night wondering what’s going to happen. The Russian Bear is back, China is flexing its muscles and I know as soon as this war winds down the grab assing politicians are gonna start cutting the military budget again. Pappy old friend: Drink up and tell me everything that’s on your mind.”
“General,” Pappy started. “General you don’t really want to get me started. I’m just a poor army sergeant that does what he’s told; well at least most of the time.” He said with a grin.
“Don’t give me that son. I really want to know what you think about things.”
Pappy took a long pull on his Jack.
“Well sir, if what your asking is what would I do if I were the Commander in Chief I can lay it out for you:
1. Make English the official language of our country. No nation can survive if everyone refuses to assimilate into our society.
2. I would make sure that a law was passed declaring Wahabism a cult and not a religion. It is the apidamy of a “hate organization.”
3. I would assign every National Guard and reserve unit to staggered annual training. On our South AND north borders. And I would give them the power to make sure they could do their jobs.
4. I would do EVERYTHING in my power to let people know that they are NOT a Hispanic American or an African American or a Native American or a British American. THEY ARE JUST AMERICANS and we should all be proud of that and not where we came from.
5. I would make sure that people understand that the United States is a REPUBLIC and not a democracy. The majority rules. If the majority has to give up its rights for a small minority something is very wrong.
6. I would also try to explain the difference between separation of church and state. Just because we keep them separate doesn’t mean we keep God and the Pledge of Allegiance out of our schools and government.
7. And I really believe it is wrong to kill a child unless it is to save the life of the mother.
8. Cut off all foreign aid except to countries that really need it AND are our friends. Vote against us time after time in the U.N. and your cut off.
9. I would make VERY sure that this so called “world court” never gets its hooks into us.
10. And while I’m at it: Why do we even need the United Nations? They should call it the United Nations against the United States. Send it to France.
11. I would drill for oil EVERYWHERE until we bridged the gap to alternatives. We can’t keep sending trillions of dollars to our enemies.
12. A 20 page “flat tax” law.
13. I would try to have every judge elected. If you’re an idiot judge then sooner or later your gonna get your ass kicked off the bench. And I would make plain to ALL judges that their role is to interpret the law---not make it.
14. Terms limits. Lord we need that bad. It’s a shame that some people will continue to send squirrely people to represent them time after time.
15. Pork barrel spending. We gotta stop that General. We must balance the budget and keep it that way. Maybe the line item veto.
“And just between you and I General, the next time a Russian Bear bomber flew over one of our aircraft carriers I would make sure they have an accident. Make no mistake Sir; the cold war is back.”
“Well I have rambled on and on. See what you started Sir?”
The General seemed lost in thought until he finally looked up. “Son you ever consider politics?”
Pappy spit out a mouth full of good Jack. ‘ARE YOU CRAZY?”
At the Generals eyebrows going up Pappy said, “I mean are you crazy SIR?”
The General smiled.
“Maybe son. Maybe.”
Steven J. Newton
© 2008